I saw my doctor again today. Cried almost the entire time.
We talked mostly about my sleep disorder. How, even using sleeping medication, I still woke up multiple times during the night, getting sleep in six different segments, ranging in length from one to three hours.

She suggested that what I suffer from is normal. Lots of people wake up in the middle of the night.

Every night? I had one night I woke up from feeling somewhat rested this summer. Before that, you'd have to dig years into the past. I'm always tired when I wake up.

And I cry much more easily when I haven't gotten enough sleep. Which is every night.

Oh, I have days I don't cry. But I have too many days where I can't stand to be in the presence of another human, much less a crowd of them. Today was such a day. I suffered through the doctor appointment, really just wanting to run away. But I don't have anywhere to go.

I was relieved when it was all over. Went home crying, avoiding people. Slept. Realized I hadn't eaten anything today besides the leftover cake. Cooked up some onion and tuna, had some tea. Wasted the rest of the evening reading various posts on LJ. Today has been anything but meaningful.