Wow, I remembered my blogger password.

At "work" now. It's not a real job, but it's something to do. My income is the same as before, except I get a little extra to cover travel expenses. Overall, I'm left with less money because when I spend so much time away from home, I spend more money on food.

I've been here for almost a month now. There are things I like, and things I resent.

I resent that I don't have administrative access to my computer. There are things I can't do, like setting the system clock or changing the power options.

Today, I was late, and it was raining. When I got here, there were EIGHT people clustered around the entrance, smoking. My heart sank, and the feeling that it'll just be the same as before solidified.

And I remembered the dream I had about a week or so after I started here..

In the dream, I was in a school. I had been given the assignment of decorating the gym. I had a bunch of small posters, about A4 size, that I was to put up on the walls. A lot of them had numbers on them. I don't remember what the rest of them were.

As I tried to put them up, I kept running out of wall space because of a window or monkey bars or whatever. I think the dream was telling me I need to plan out things in advance, or else I may end up needing to re-do something from scratch.

It also occurred to me that the whole thing was probably some kind of psychology test.

I heard footsteps approaching, and rushed to the door to lock it. I made it just in time, and ran to the second door and locked that too. I wanted to be alone. I laughed mockingly at the girl(s?) I had locked out.

In the end, I decided to use the numbers to spell out the phone number to a suicide prevention line. When the teachers found me, I was hysterical, repeating the phrase "imi ga nai" over and over again.

"It's meaningless"

I woke up crying.

I don't understand all of it, but it feels like it was something very important.